Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
