My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
