Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
