I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
