Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
