things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
