Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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