Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
