PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
