So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
