"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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