before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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