WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
