Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
