I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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