Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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