Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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