I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
