My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
