Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
