how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
