I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
