he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
