you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
