I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
