My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
