Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
