Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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