If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
