was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
