life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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