Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
