when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
