i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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