My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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