dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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