Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
