Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
