come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
