I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
