They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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