Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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