i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
