oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
