so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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