i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
