Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
