Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
