Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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