The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
