Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
