I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
