well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
