why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
