On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
