Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
