Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
