maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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