I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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