last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
