Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
