I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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