What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
