where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
50% drunk capacity currently
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
