i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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