just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
