So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
