Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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