Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
