So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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