All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
