From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
