When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
