dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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